So how do you save a marriage? First of all, because of agency, we each have the ability to choose and to make our own decisions. Love is a deliberate choice. Marriage is a leap of faith. There are no guarantees. Both people, in a relationship, have to choose whether to love the other person. If you try to control another person's choices, this leads to unhealthy behaviors and dysfunction. The other person has to choose you and you have no control over that choice. True you might be able to influence their willingness by how you treat them, if you are kind, considerate, and selfless, but that is not the same thing as control. You can only control you and your own choices.
So what constitutes a betrayal? Some people have a romanticized version in their head of how things ought to be which has no basis in reality. Failure to communicate on your part, a lie of omission, amounts to dishonesty. Expecting someone to somehow know what you are thinking and feeling without direct communication might seem romantic but it is not realistic. It is not emotional abuse for someone to lack the ability to read your mind.
What if you are unhappy? Isn't it your spouse's responsibility to make you happy? NO!! IT IS NOT! You are responsible for you. Placing the responsibility on them for you is a cop-out based on the illusion that they can control you. Expecting them to control your agency and your decision whether to be happy might be the very reason you are so unhappy.
There are times when a divorce is the right decision. Unfaithfulness comes in different forms. When you are in physical danger from abuse it is important to protect yourself and your children. If your spouse is unfaithful, and not willing to even try to change, it is important to protect yourself and your children. When your spouse brings the effects of harmful addiction into your home, such as pornography, alcohol, or drugs, it is important to protect yourself and your children.
If you decide to forgive a betrayal, your spouse also has to be willing to change. You each have to choose the other person. There are no guarantees. You cannot save a marriage on your own. You are only responsible for you.
If both people are willing, counseling can help. Be cautious, however, because the wrong counselor might use techniques which are destructive of self-esteem and damaging rather than helpful. If you find yourself feeling worse after counseling, instead of better, you may need to seek help from a different counselor.
If you are religious, or even if you are not, prayer can also help. The saying that there are no atheists in foxholes also applies to other types of crisis.
"O God, Aaron hath told me that there is a God; and if there is a God, and if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me..."
The other thing which will help is reading daily, without fail, in the scriptures if done consistently over time. In particular, there is power in the Book of Mormon - a companion book of scripture to the Bible.
https://www.mormon.org/beliefs/book-of-mormon
Holy prophets have testified of its power. Whether or not you believe it, reading it daily actually does help. You may have to read at least an hour a day but you will notice the difference.
If you are at the point where you are willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage, try reading daily in the Book of Mormon. Similar to prayer and meditation, you will find that you have more patience, are more kind, less easily offended, and more happy if you read and study the Book of Mormon daily.
"That is the third reason for studying the book. It helps us draw nearer to God. Is there not something deep in our hearts that longs to draw nearer to God, to be more like Him in our daily walk, to feel His presence with us constantly? If so, then the Book of Mormon will help us do so more than any other book.
It is not just that the Book of Mormon teaches us truth, though it indeed does that. It is not just that the Book of Mormon bears testimony of Christ, though it indeed does that, too. But there is something more. There is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book. You will find greater power to resist temptation. You will find the power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait and narrow path. The scriptures are called “the words of life” (D&C 84:85), and nowhere is that more true than it is of the Book of Mormon. When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will find life in greater and greater abundance."
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1986/10/the-book-of-mormon-keystone-of-our-religion?lang=eng
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