Only God's way is Eternal

There was a time when enemies of truth attempted to use science and intellectualism as a weapon. Those days appear to be past. The enemies of truth have become so progressive that even science is not extreme enough for them. Those who once looked upon others with disdain, that did not share their scientific view, have become science deniers themselves. The time is upon us long prophesied in the Bible when good and evil would be mislabeled. 

This type of thinking error has even been used as an attempt to undermine mathematics. In addition to lacking rigor, woke attempts to assign individually subjective meaning to math symbols goes against the entirety of reason. Such profound lack of understanding results only in absurdity. It's basically like trying to argue with the universe.

Truth doesn't care about your feelings. Truth was once sought after by society in the quest for wisdom. No longer. Scientists and intellectuals are afraid to continue decades upon decades of objective research for fear their findings will be shouted down by activist professors. Moral relativism has become self-contradicting. 

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." Mosiah 3:19

What do we want out of life? If what we want is only temporary, God allows us to pursue it. In so doing, we find neither lasting happiness nor joy. We may have some semblance of emotional attachment but only until we die. Those that neglect the temple path will remain separate and single. Becoming totally in love with someone, knowing we are going to lose them when we die, is not the tragic fate desired for us by God. He created a plan for us before creating this world; His Son Jesus fulfilled that plan. The Savior has infinite power to redeem us if we are willing. Through Him we are reborn and our nature is changed. 

God knows the way to lasting, permanent family relationships. He has provided the only means for those relationships to endure. We have to decide what we want. God will force no man to heaven. If what we truly want is temporary, God allows the choice. It is up to us to decide.  

Life is not fair.

I have a daughter that has withdrawn herself from being part of my life. I was the one that fed her and changed her diapers as an infant, whenever I was home, because her mother took it personally that she did not want to nurse. Her mother said, "My baby doesn't want me." When her mother was unfaithful in our marriage, and filed for divorce, she wanted to leave her with me and keep the other children with her. She did not want to be her mother. I did not want to split up the children. I felt it would be wrong to do that to them. Her mother insisted. I did not know what to do. I would happily take all of them but I didn't want to split them up. They were losing enough with the divorce of their parents. I did not want them to feel like they were losing each other too. 

Her mother's greed came to the rescue. She had some divorced new "friends" that convinced her to keep all the kids for the child support money. After maxing out our credit cards, she emptied our bank account, including all our tax return money, and bought a car from one of her "friends." The car, promptly broke down and wouldn't run. She did not want to offend her friend by accusing her of selling her a lemon. She convinced me to give her my car, for the sake of the children, since I lived close enough that I could ride a bicycle or walk to work. She lived close enough to me that she dropped them off at my place pretty much any time I was not at work. She began showing up without warning right before I had to leave for work and wanting me to take them. I quickly ran out of vacation and sick days and nearly lost my job. 

She lived in sin with the guy from the affair for about a year. When their relationship ended, she met another guy and went with him to Vegas to get married after knowing him less than a week. The previous boyfriend began texting her again and trying to hook up. Her new husband wisely found a job out of state to move her away from her boyfriend. This is when things started to get difficult for me to have any contact with my children. Their mother began refusing and interfering in phone time whenever I tried to call them. I wrote letters not knowing if they got them. I petitioned the court and we went through required mediation. I was able to speak to my children sometimes again on the phone but their mother continued to interfere and so it was not consistent. Sometimes their new stepdad would yell at them to get off the phone when I had been talking to them for just a few minutes. 

I had to petition the court every single year after they moved, and go through required mediation, in order to see my children. Sometimes it was too late by the time visitation was refused, and I did not get to see them for many holidays, because mediation through the court did not remedy opportunities that were already lost. In order for a child to see through the lies of a toxic parent, it requires spending time with the other parent so they can see for themselves that the lies are not true. My children started to be affected by the negative attitude of their mother. During one summer my daughter, that had been previously close to me from bonding when she was little, refused to come for visitation. When I confronted her mother about it, she told our daughter that I was going to take our daughter to court!? Is that even a thing? For a parent to sue a child because of interference by the mother? Would the courts even allow something like that? I was willing to fight for my daughter, if she wanted me to, but not against her. When I realized my daughter was saying she did not want to come I had to back off. I did not ever want the children to be caught in the middle. It is wrong for parents to do that. 

I thought things might get better once my children moved out but they still haven't seen past the lies and deception. It might take spending time with me for them to see for themselves that all the things their mother says about me are simply not true. For years, I tried to get my ex-wife to have empathy about the importance of time with my children. I thought I could reason with her and get her to feel some compassion. I finally realized that empathy is beyond her capacity. I don't really understand why but she doesn't seem to have to have the ability to see things from any point of view but her own. Sometimes we might exaggerate and say that about someone that is just being mean but, in this case, it is not that she might be capable of empathy and chooses not have compassion out of pure meanness - empathy does not seem to be something she can comprehend. No amount of explaining can get her to understand. That was a very strange realization. To go from thinking that someone is just being rude by not showing any compassion and then to realize that they are limited to not even be able to see things from any other point of view. 

I do not blame my daughter. She has been through a lot. Having a toxic mother as a parent is not her fault. I don't know that it is even her mother's fault if her mother does not have the empathy required to do what's best for her children instead of what she thinks is best for her. Is it being selfish if you can't see things from another point of view or is it more like someone with special needs that causes someone to lack the ability to empathize with others? What would even cause that? Traumatic Brain Injury? Maybe something extremely horrific that happened during childhood? My ex-wife does not remember most of her childhood. How bad would something have to be to cause you to lose the ability to have empathy, even for your own children? It is very strange. I do not understand it. 

Do not be ignorant.

Please do not be ignorant (and I mean that in both senses of that statement). 

In my attempts to articulate concepts and ideas, I may (in your mind at least) do it in an ill-advised or clumsy manner. Through lack of intellect, insight, propriety, decency, or decorum, some might criticize my words as a reflection of their deficit. Others might knowingly seek to tear down someone else as a dishonest attack. Whatever the case may be, please be respectful and be kind. 

If my words hit too close to home, I apologize for the affront. It is often very hard to interpret the intended tone of someone's writing. Sometimes things come across more harshly than what the author had in mind. Much of what I write is for my own benefit; sometimes, in order to preserve a train of thought that only existed in that moment. In my imagination, the likelihood that others would ever experience my blog is insignificant (considering the vast multitudes of online voices). 

Even so, we often evolve beyond what we once were; as we learn and grow through new experience, we gain wisdom and perspective. I expect that others can change and become better. I hope that similar grace and mercy will also be extended to myself. 

I am a child of God.

Is it okay to be adopted or have step-parents/bonus parents? Yes, it's okay to have more than one set of parents since we already do; we have a Heavenly Father and an earthly father. In a way, WE ARE ALL ADOPTED since our true parent is Heavenly Father. Your spiritual pedigree can be written on a single line: You are a child of God. You were already nobility and royalty even prior to your birth. Your true family of origin is where you came from before you were born. You are His child.

What is it like for a birth parent to have someone else raise their child? Isn't this exactly the decision that God made in allowing us to have a mortal existence? As earthly parents, we apprentice what it is like to be a father and a mother. (For some, who remain faithful, this blessing may be fulfilled after this life.) Because Satan does not have and will never have a physical body, he will never experience what this is like. No wonder then that he tries to sabotage the family and sow confusion about the divine nature and calling assigned to us with gender. Satan is jealous of what he can never have.

As earthly parents, we don't have to parent alone. Heavenly Father is our co-parent. Some of the needs of children are met through earthly parents, most of them are not. Heavenly Father continues to be our most important parent. Many of our needs can only be met through Him.

Moderation does not mean all or nothing

What do you use as an escape from stress? For some, their escape becomes all consuming. Some escapes are destructive, others are socially accepted. For many men, their escape is sports. They live sleep, eat, drink, and breathe football, basketball, and anything else which might be considered a sport. For women, some of them find escape in romance novels or by making dust collectors which they refer to as "crafts." For others, their escape is pets. Since a pet is demanding of time and attention, it provides a socially accepted way of gaining an everyday escape from devoting time and attention which might otherwise have been given to people in our lives. If you struggle relating to your spouse but would never think of getting a divorce and are not willing to work on your relationship in order to have a better marriage, having pets might be the way to mask how you really feel and shift focus away from your deliberate neglect. Children only serve this purpose for so long but they eventually grow up. If you have pets, you can use them indefinitely as a buffer since you can always just get another pet each time that one of them dies. Video and computer games can be an escape but they are not socially accepted in the same way as having pets or following sports. Even when much less time is spent doing electronic gaming than others might spend watching sports, it is often seen as "wasting time." You hear people give advice for others to "take some time to rest and relax", "take some time for yourself", or take some time to "fill your bucket" since you won't have the emotional energy to help fill the emotional bucket of others if yours is empty. It is difficult to take care of your own mental health without having feelings of guilt. Is it okay to "waste time" or are we trying to justify bad behavior so we don't feel guilty? If it's important to your mental health, is it really wasted time or is it time well spent in order to keep us from eventual suicide due to feelings of hopelessness and depression? How do we justify "wasting time" when others may not realize it is essential to our mental health and will point out to us better things we ought to be doing? How do we know if we really do need an escape or whether we are just using that as an excuse? Why do we feel guilty when we take care of our own needs so that we are more able to and more capable of taking care of others? Often this comes from "all or nothing thinking." Taken to an extreme, even good and positive things can put our lives out of balance. Occasional sports may not be bad unless following them becomes the only thing that we do. We can plan time for them and place limits for ourselves without needing to sacrifice them completely. Do we prioritize, set aside, and plan a few minutes for social media, and then stick to our self imposed limits, or do we spend hours upon hours of mindless scrolling and internet surfing? Do we maintain an electronic curfew? Do we turn off all electronics at least 30 minutes prior to bedtime or do we allow them to interfere with settling down and getting ourselves ready to sleep. If we wake up in the night, do we maintain our electronic curfew until after time to get up or do we allow them to invade time when we ought to be resting even if we don't fall immediately back to sleep? Setting a daily schedule can be daunting at first until it becomes a habit. Planners and organizers can do the work for us if we are willing to use them and spend a few minutes each week planning out a schedule. Schedules can be adjusted as you go but having a plan is important even when things don't usually go as planned. This is also true of managing money. Keeping track of spending helps you make better use of money in a similar way to how scheduling helps you make better use of time. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can plan and "budget" some of your time for watching sports, etc. as long as you make sure that your other time "expenditures" are planned for and taken care of. One effective way for losing weight is keeping a food journal. The simple accountability of writing down whatever we eat can influence our choices. Tracking time spent can be a good starting point if you are not sure how best to budget your time. There are free printable weekly planners or you can make one of your own. Find what works for you and then make a point of scheduling time for leisure. You will know how much time you can afford to spend toward maintaining your mental health once you start planning out how you spend your time. If you struggle at first, get help. Look up resources or go to a time management training. Start small and simple at first if planning in minute detail is too daunting. Read books about coping with ADHD. Methods of coping with ADHD are often good ways for people in general to cope with the demands of life. Try to get past all or nothing thinking when what you, more appropriately, need instead is simply to find a healthy balance. You can have a job, and a family, and still have time for leisure and taking care of your own mental health. Read daily in the Book of Mormon. You will think better and more clearly if you have the help and inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Also, don't forget to pray. God is the Heavenly Father of your spirit. You lived with Him before you were born. He cares about and loves you. He will help you if you ask.

Serenity

Serenity is the name of a science fiction movie released in 2005, as a follow-up to the television series Firefly. The show has been described as exploring the idea, "What if Han Solo never met Luke and Leia?"

The Serenity Prayer is a prayer authored by Reinhold Niebuhr (which is unrelated to the Serenity movie):
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

In other words, learn to let go of trying to control things that you cannot control. This is not easy to do. Many of us stress and worry about things which are external. Often, these fears are imagined and unrealistic. Instead of living in reality, we tend to live in a fantasy version of existence where we imagine that we are powerful enough to control the actions, decisions, and choices of those around us. This leads to unhealthy, dysfunctional behaviors when we try to control things which we cannot (and should not try to) control.

Have you heard of "unrighteous dominion"? It is another term for tyranny. It means the abuse of power, whether actual or perceived. It is the basis for trying to impose our will. It is the basis for the Marxist ideas of using force and violence, whether actual or implied, in an effort to control those around us.

It can be very subtle. Unrighteous dominion can be disguised as self-righteousness and manifest itself as trying to help. Born of arrogance and pride, (because we think that we know better than they do what they ought to be doing) we try to control others in order to save them from themselves.

This type of behavior leads to power struggles and frustration. Sometimes, we blame ourselves for the poor decisions and choices of others and feel guilt and remorse for things which are beyond our control. We feel responsible for them which can lead to depression or lead us to become social justice warriors in order to fix what we perceive to be broken. Instead of leaving it to the Lord, we may attempt to become someone's personal savior whether they like it or not. We try to rescue them from making their own choices and decisions. Ironically, switching sides to that of the enemy in continuation of the war in heaven.

It is a delicate balance which must be taken when we are in positions of authority in order to not overstep.

Many of our desires to control are fueled by misunderstanding the Atonement. We underestimate the scope and power of the Savior to heal. Our frustrations can be healed completely and we can be given peace. We can fix what is wrong, not by controlling others, but through allowing ourselves to be healed. We often make false choices for ourselves in binary thinking when there is another and better solution. Letting go is not enough. It is just the beginning. We also need to learn how to be made whole and allow our frustrations to be healed. The Atonement does bring about resurrection and forgiveness from sin but also provides so much more.

Part of why we are here is to learn how to be spiritually and emotionally healed and to choose to allow it. Unlike many of His mortal children, God does respect our agency and will not heal us against our will. Life only seems unfair because we are required to live by faith in order to learn and grow and to maximize the many many daily ways in which we can be blessed. We are often surprised and disappointed when bad things happen. There are no surprises to God. He already knew and already had a plan for us to overcome the effects of anything negative in this life. The effects of evil need never be permanent. When we need Him, and sincerely pray, God has provided the way for us to be completely healed.

God respects free will

There is a warning given in scripture: "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." (Matthew 7:6). There is a tendency by those who have neither knowledge nor experience (with things of the Spirit) to discount and ridicule them out of hand, without seeking to experiment or validate for themselves whether they might be true. In this life, we are allowed to choose for ourselves so we can learn and grow from our experience.
There is a promise in the Book of Mormon: "Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts. And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things. And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that he is. And ye may know that he is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for he worketh by power, according to the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever." (Moroni 10: 3-7).
If you have met with missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, they have likely extended this promise and invitation to you (as given in Moroni chapter 10).
If you have not reflected on it, I would invite you to ponder about what it means to ask God with "a sincere heart, with real intent". God respects our agency. He will reveal divine truths to us if it is something we truly want to know. God will force no man to heaven. If we are not sincere (meaning we do not really want to know the answer), God will respect our agency and wait for us to decide whether to pray with real intent. If we are stubborn in our self-sufficient pride, wanting to figure it out on our own (without His help), we may struggle for years unaided until we are ready to finally be humble enough that we actually want an answer.
According to legend, a man came to Socrates seeking knowledge. Socrates pushed this man's head under water until the man struggled for air. Socrates told this man that when he wanted knowledge as desperately as he wanted air, he would have knowledge. There is great power in consistent daily study of the Book of Mormon. Once we know the Book of Mormon is true, we also know that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God because it was through God's power that Joseph was able to translate the book. If the Book of Mormon is true then the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only church authorized by God to perform baptism. If the Book of Mormon is true then Russell M. Nelson is God's prophet on the earth today.
The story in the Book of Enos (within the Book of Mormon) is very instructive. It is also important to remember what drove Enos to pray with such urgency that he cried unto the Lord. Enos cried all the day long unto the Lord and when the night came Enos still continued to cry. Enos wrestled and cried mightily unto the Lord because he needed remission of his sins. Enos needed forgiveness. When God answered the prayer of Enos, the guilt of Enos was swept away. It was such a miracle and a relief that Enos said, "Lord, how is it done?" It is true that bad things happen in the world but God already planned for them and prepared for us a Savior. We can be healed completely and made whole. The effects of evil need not be permanent. We can receive the joy experienced by Enos if that is what we truly want.
We are free to choose for ourselves what it is that we truly want. If we don't truly want to be happy, and are unwilling to let go of sin, God allows us to make the choice. He waits patiently for us and has provided the way for us to be healed. All of the effects of pain, anguish or anything that we can suffer can be overcome. When bad things happen, this is not a surprise to God. He planned for it from the beginning and provided the way for us to be healed. The Book of Mormon testifies of Christ and brings us to our Savior so that we can be healed and made completely whole.
Baptism is symbolic of the death, burial and resurrection of our Savior. It represents the death of our old life and the start of a new life as we allow ourselves to be healed. The purifying influence of the Holy Ghost is available to us according to God's plan which provides our Savior as a sacrifice for sin.
There are many things which people can and do suffer in this life. We can be healed and be made whole. The effects of anything that can be suffered can be completely overcome. Part of why we are here in mortality is to learn how to heal and how to allow ourselves to be healed. This is part of being born again - when we choose to be made whole instead of holding onto hurt and anger and pride. God is a tender loving parent who has provided the way for this to happen but never against our will. It is up to us to choose. We must decide what it is that we truly want. God has a plan for each of us to be as happy as we are willing to allow. We are His children. He is the Father of our spirit. We lived with Him before this life. God loves us very dearly. He hears and answers our sincere prayers.