Moderation does not mean all or nothing

What do you use as an escape from stress? For some, their escape becomes all consuming. Some escapes are destructive, others are socially accepted. For many men, their escape is sports. They live sleep, eat, drink, and breathe football, basketball, and anything else which might be considered a sport. For women, some of them find escape in romance novels or by making dust collectors which they refer to as "crafts." For others, their escape is pets. Since a pet is demanding of time and attention, it provides a socially accepted way of gaining an everyday escape from devoting time and attention which might otherwise have been given to people in our lives. If you struggle relating to your spouse but would never think of getting a divorce and are not willing to work on your relationship in order to have a better marriage, having pets might be the way to mask how you really feel and shift focus away from your deliberate neglect. Children only serve this purpose for so long but they eventually grow up. If you have pets, you can use them indefinitely as a buffer since you can always just get another pet each time that one of them dies. Video and computer games can be an escape but they are not socially accepted in the same way as having pets or following sports. Even when much less time is spent doing electronic gaming than others might spend watching sports, it is often seen as "wasting time." You hear people give advice for others to "take some time to rest and relax", "take some time for yourself", or take some time to "fill your bucket" since you won't have the emotional energy to help fill the emotional bucket of others if yours is empty. It is difficult to take care of your own mental health without having feelings of guilt. Is it okay to "waste time" or are we trying to justify bad behavior so we don't feel guilty? If it's important to your mental health, is it really wasted time or is it time well spent in order to keep us from eventual suicide due to feelings of hopelessness and depression? How do we justify "wasting time" when others may not realize it is essential to our mental health and will point out to us better things we ought to be doing? How do we know if we really do need an escape or whether we are just using that as an excuse? Why do we feel guilty when we take care of our own needs so that we are more able to and more capable of taking care of others? Often this comes from "all or nothing thinking." Taken to an extreme, even good and positive things can put our lives out of balance. Occasional sports may not be bad unless following them becomes the only thing that we do. We can plan time for them and place limits for ourselves without needing to sacrifice them completely. Do we prioritize, set aside, and plan a few minutes for social media, and then stick to our self imposed limits, or do we spend hours upon hours of mindless scrolling and internet surfing? Do we maintain an electronic curfew? Do we turn off all electronics at least 30 minutes prior to bedtime or do we allow them to interfere with settling down and getting ourselves ready to sleep. If we wake up in the night, do we maintain our electronic curfew until after time to get up or do we allow them to invade time when we ought to be resting even if we don't fall immediately back to sleep? Setting a daily schedule can be daunting at first until it becomes a habit. Planners and organizers can do the work for us if we are willing to use them and spend a few minutes each week planning out a schedule. Schedules can be adjusted as you go but having a plan is important even when things don't usually go as planned. This is also true of managing money. Keeping track of spending helps you make better use of money in a similar way to how scheduling helps you make better use of time. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can plan and "budget" some of your time for watching sports, etc. as long as you make sure that your other time "expenditures" are planned for and taken care of. One effective way for losing weight is keeping a food journal. The simple accountability of writing down whatever we eat can influence our choices. Tracking time spent can be a good starting point if you are not sure how best to budget your time. There are free printable weekly planners or you can make one of your own. Find what works for you and then make a point of scheduling time for leisure. You will know how much time you can afford to spend toward maintaining your mental health once you start planning out how you spend your time. If you struggle at first, get help. Look up resources or go to a time management training. Start small and simple at first if planning in minute detail is too daunting. Read books about coping with ADHD. Methods of coping with ADHD are often good ways for people in general to cope with the demands of life. Try to get past all or nothing thinking when what you, more appropriately, need instead is simply to find a healthy balance. You can have a job, and a family, and still have time for leisure and taking care of your own mental health. Read daily in the Book of Mormon. You will think better and more clearly if you have the help and inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Also, don't forget to pray. God is the Heavenly Father of your spirit. You lived with Him before you were born. He cares about and loves you. He will help you if you ask.

Serenity

Serenity is the name of a science fiction movie released in 2005, as a follow-up to the television series Firefly. The show has been described as exploring the idea, "What if Han Solo never met Luke and Leia?"

The Serenity Prayer is a prayer authored by Reinhold Niebuhr (which is unrelated to the Serenity movie):
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

In other words, learn to let go of trying to control things that you cannot control. This is not easy to do. Many of us stress and worry about things which are external. Often, these fears are imagined and unrealistic. Instead of living in reality, we tend to live in a fantasy version of existence where we imagine that we are powerful enough to control the actions, decisions, and choices of those around us. This leads to unhealthy, dysfunctional behaviors when we try to control things which we cannot (and should not try to) control.

Have you heard of "unrighteous dominion"? It is another term for tyranny. It means the abuse of power, whether actual or perceived. It is the basis for trying to impose our will. It is the basis for the Marxist ideas of using force and violence, whether actual or implied, in an effort to control those around us.

It can be very subtle. Unrighteous dominion can be disguised as self-righteousness and manifest itself as trying to help. Born of arrogance and pride, (because we think that we know better than they do what they ought to be doing) we try to control others in order to save them from themselves.

This type of behavior leads to power struggles and frustration. Sometimes, we blame ourselves for the poor decisions and choices of others and feel guilt and remorse for things which are beyond our control. We feel responsible for them which can lead to depression or lead us to become social justice warriors in order to fix what we perceive to be broken. Instead of leaving it to the Lord, we may attempt to become someone's personal savior whether they like it or not. We try to rescue them from making their own choices and decisions. Ironically, switching sides to that of the enemy in continuation of the war in heaven.

It is a delicate balance which must be taken when we are in positions of authority in order to not overstep.

Many of our desires to control are fueled by misunderstanding the Atonement. We underestimate the scope and power of the Savior to heal. Our frustrations can be healed completely and we can be given peace. We can fix what is wrong, not by controlling others, but through allowing ourselves to be healed. We often make false choices for ourselves in binary thinking when there is another and better solution. Letting go is not enough. It is just the beginning. We also need to learn how to be made whole and allow our frustrations to be healed. The Atonement does bring about resurrection and forgiveness from sin but also provides so much more.

Part of why we are here is to learn how to be spiritually and emotionally healed and to choose to allow it. Unlike many of His mortal children, God does respect our agency and will not heal us against our will. Life only seems unfair because we are required to live by faith in order to learn and grow and to maximize the many many daily ways in which we can be blessed. We are often surprised and disappointed when bad things happen. There are no surprises to God. He already knew and already had a plan for us to overcome the effects of anything negative in this life. The effects of evil need never be permanent. When we need Him, and sincerely pray, God has provided the way for us to be completely healed.