Years ago, I was divorced and paying child support. I lived in a small apartment and couldn't afford a car. Fortunately, I lived within walking distance of work. Even so, my food budget was often $20 or less a week. That amount did not change during times when I had my three children (since I ended up being the noncustodial parent). Even very basic food became a precious resource. I realized that creamy peanut butter could be spread thinner than chunky. I started keeping bread in the fridge and freezing any that would not get eaten right away. I returned milk immediately to the fridge after using it rather than letting it sit out at all on the table. I could not afford to have anything spoil. Even today, grocery shopping is a traumatic experience because it brings back memories of that time. I had my children with me often as my ex-wife wanted the financial benefit of receiving child support but without the responsibility of being a parent. I was happy to have my children with me, whenever I was not at work, and she was happy to leave them.
Prior to our separation, she had refused to watch them. She decided she could not handle taking care of them because of "everything she was going through" (ie. dealing with feelings of guilt from being unfaithful to our marriage). I was a stay at home dad for six months. I became successful at meal planning and housekeeping and was surprised to find out that I had it within me to become quite good at being a homemaker. It was nice to know that I could be equally good at being in the "traditional mother role" as I had been in the role of traditional father. Other than the sadness I felt about my wife being unfaithful, it was enjoyable to have that time with the children. Several women with children noticed me with mine and expressed interest in setting up play dates such as going on walks together with our children or meeting them at the park. Each time that happened I politely declined because I was not yet divorced and wanted to avoid possible situations which could lead to more than play dates. Despite my wife being unfaithful, I was still loyal to our marriage.
My wife became increasingly more defiant and brazen about being unfaithful. She would be gone all night long, trying to pick up guys in dance clubs and bars, and come home very late the next morning reeking of cigarette smoke and alcohol (I don't know that she started smoking or drinking, she may have just picked up the smell from being around it). She bragged about her favorite jeans being her "getting lucky pants". She went to a work party and took her boyfriend instead of me even though we were still married. I did not hold her accountable for her behavior because I did not want to be in any way the cause of our divorce. I had not yet given up all hope that she might repent and change. Eventually words of a church hymn, "Do what is right and let consequence follow...", kept coming into my mind and I finally asserted myself enough to tell her it was not fair to me or the children for her to be gone all night long, not knowing if she was okay.
After divorcing, I had the additional expense of child support on top of my other living expenses. The tax code does not take this into account and I paid taxes the same as if I was single and did not have children. My ex-wife received that money tax free. She got fired from one job after another and could not hold a job. She became dependent on help from the church to supplement the child support money she received. This ended up being a blessing because it gave her at least some contact with the church.
I also received food a few times from the church. When it was just for me I was too prideful to ask for help but, when it came to the children, I would not make them go without because of my pride. It was my job to provide for them whether directly through my own income or through seeking assistance. I made sure my children's needs were met.
